Sometimes you have to just come out from among them (2 Corinthians 6:17). You may want to be accepted by everyone. You want your name up in the lights. You want everyone to look to you as the "expert" or "go-to person." But do you not realize that all of this comes with a price? God tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:17 that we will have to separate ourselves from this world.
At one point in time, I was so blinded by all of the "girl boss" and "building my empire" talk that I let it take over my purpose in life. God clearly called me to teach His Word to women, yet, I was seeking friendship with the world and listening to all of these secular, New Age "coaches" and "strategists" that were suggesting a zillion erroneous ideas to me. Their whole purpose was to chase the money, get rich and be famous...secure the bag, as they would say. None of it was centered in Christ!
The more I listened to these people, the further I got away from my calling. Before I knew it, I was sounding just like these people..nothing like Jesus! I was motivated to succeed at any cost. I was clearly compromising myself. I started having nightmares, and was always stressed to the point that I couldn't even think straight. My anxiety was through the roof! God was still with me, but I couldn't hear Him. The cares of this world had drown His voice out.
During this time, I started neglecting my time with the Lord, my witness was at an all-time low, and I did not write as I used to. I was focused mainly on "my business." Anytime someone would ask me what I was doing, I would utter, "working on my business." I sounded like a complete fool because I hadn't made one dime...I was too busy listening to all of these gurus...each one telling me something different. It was a chaotic mess.
One day, the Lord came right out and told me, "If you won't do it, I will find someone who will." Now I am no fool, and I know the voice of God. I guess He was fed up with my foolishness and decided to spare me because usually His voice was quite, but not this time! That was enough to scare me straight. I would sneak and try to dabble in "my business" but each time, it would fail. EACH AND EVERY TIME!
I had to repent again, and I knew for sure that I didn't deserve His grace. Once I started back writing and ministering to women online, it was like second nature. The ideas would flow like a river...there would be so much that it would be overwhelming at times. However, I am grateful to the Lord for His grace and mercy. I am thankful that He has been so patient with me. I thank Him for allowing me to go through that period of wilderness, for it was in that wilderness that I became the woman I am today. I know for a fact that this is what He called me to do, I will never stray from it again.