Did you know that there is purpose in your pain? Everything that you have experienced has been to establish you for such a time as now. During my youth, I battled heavily with depression and low self-esteem. I would judge myself based on the how others looked. I thought I was soooo ugly. I never felt I was good enough. Therefore, I carried that attitude over into every facet of my life. My low self-esteem and depression led me down a path of negative self-talk and bitterness. I did not love myself, and it was evident in everything that I thought, said and did.
Little did I know that others could pick up on my perception of myself. Did you know that you teach people how to treat you? You actually train others to either treat you positively or negatively. Well, I trained people to treat me poorly. I attracted the worst people into my life. Many only wanted to use me. I always felt that I had to "buy" my friends or give more than the next person in order to keep people around. As soon as the money or whatever I was offering ran out, so did the people..leaving me empty-handed and defeated.
I was tired of being treated so unfairly. I thought the best place for me to be was dead. So after my mother passed in 2011, I sank into deep depression. The depression was so deep that I thought dying was the only way out. I was dealing with so much. On top of the death of my mother, I was practically forced to have a tubal ligation or risk dying if I had another child. I did not want to have this procedure done. My marriage was failing miserably due to countless fights and arguments. My depression reached an all-time low. And to top it all all, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I ended up leaving my job as a teacher, never to return, and my marriage ended. My world was pretty much falling apart.
Long story short (because there is so much more), it wasn't until I decided to give everything over to the Lord that I was able to have victory in my life. Yes, I still fall down, but I get back up quicker than ever before. I can hear the Holy Spirit when He instructs me now. Before, it was hard to hear Him. Not to mention, my story has helped countless women out there going through many of the same things. All of my horrible experiences worked together to make me the diamond that I am. A diamond is nothing but a rock...until it is put under an immense amount of pressure and heat. Oh, Honey...I had more pressure and heat than the normal person could bear! Yet, I am still standing. Victorious and willing to help other women find wholeness and restoration in the Lord, Jesus Christ.