Confidence

Why Not Me, Lord?

Finally, I had some personal "me" time. The kids were all tucked away, and I was ready to relax. I grabbed my coffee and headed to my bedroom. As soon as I plopped down on my bed, I picked up my phone. Out of habit, I logged into my Facebook account. My newsfeed was filled with the same old memes and stories. Nothing really excited me. So, I took a stroll over to Instagram, and it was there that my heart was broken. 

 Lord, am I good enough?

Lord, am I good enough?

The very first post I encountered was that of a beautiful young woman. Every strand of hair was in place, her body was flawless, and she seemed to have it all together. Most importantly, she was a woman of God. Her ministry was prospering and everything just seemed awesome. It was almost as if she was surrounded by a halo of light! My gosh...she was perfect! Her life was beyond compare!

After staring at several of her pictures, I observed the number of followers she had and all of the positive comments on each of her posts. By now, as you may have guessed it, I was full of envy! I mean, here I was...a woman of God, also...seeking to win others to Christ but barely keeping my page afloat. It seemed as though I was not making a real impact for the Kingdom, my life was far from perfect, and my hair was big and frizzy. 

Immediately, I questioned God. I shouted to Him, "Why aren't You helping me, Lord? I am doing this for YOU!" I went into a pity party about how I did not have the support I needed, as well as how my life seemed to be falling apart rather than coming together. My life seemed to be a disaster compared to the girl on Instagram. Honestly, I ranted until I felt like I had given the Lord a piece of my mind. Boy, did I think I was telling Him something He needed to hear!

Then a voice asked me, "Exactly who are you doing this for? Me or you?" Talk about EGGS IN MY FACE! I was so embarrassed and had to repent. This pity party revealed to me that I had envy in my heart, and envy is a sin. 

"But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. for where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:14-16, NIV

That night, the Lord taught me that we all have a place to serve in the body of Christ. Everyone has a specific task to complete. Therefore, It is not all about who has the most followers, the prettiest website, the perfect body, etc. It is all about our willingness to serve the Lord and win souls for the Kingdom.

The Lord also used this situation to reveal that I was harboring comparison and envy in my heart. We are all created in His image, and He shows no favoritism. It is up to us to use the the talents that He gives us.

Although someone may seem to have it all together, no one is perfectly perfect. We all have secret flaws, yet only our strengths are made public. So we should stop thinking people have it all together just because they post lovely photos on social media.

After going before the Lord, He reveal to me that I often felt rejected by others and that I was trying to outperform others for acceptance. None of this works in His Kingdom because there is no selfish ambition. If you have found that you have been envious of others and their success, repent right now. Ask the Lord to make known what is truly hidden inside your heart and why you feel inferior. There is a root cause that only He can disclose. 

Overcoming My Low Esteem

For the longest, I cared more about what people thought of me than I cared about myself. I let so many people shoot down my dreams and make me feel like I was not good enough.

If they said I was ugly, I believed it. If they said I was dumb, I believed it. If I was complimented, I would cling to every word, replaying them over and over in my mind. I was not in control of my thoughts or my perception of myself. Obviously, my self-esteem was nonexistent.

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I thank God for showing me exactly who I am. He stated in Psalm 139:14 that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Song of Solomon 4:7 told me that I am altogether beautiful and Honey, there is not a flaw in me. Our God does not make mistakes!

Looking back on my past, I now realize that those same people never really had anything good going for themselves. They only put me down to make themselves feel better. Could they have had low self-esteem too, but found comfort in bullying me? Maybe!

It’s all good though because all things work together for those who believe and trust in God. Jesus did not die on the cross and rise again just for me to wallow in low self-esteem and doubt. I’ve got work to do. As long as there is breath left in my body, I will serve Him and live my life, just as He said I should. The Lord said that I am worthy, and I’m sticking to that promise!

Coping with Social Anxiety

For years, I had suffered with social anxiety. I was afraid that others simply would not like being around me. When in small groups, I would panic. Scary thoughts would would run through my head and I'd break out in a cold sweat. My gosh, what if she notices my blotchy skin? What if I say the wrong thing and look like a dork? Thoughts of me stuttering all over my words haunted me. Oh Lord, why did I have to be the insecure one in the bunch? 

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Throughout my teen and early adult years, I panicked whenever I had to go out in public. The spirit of fear had latched itself onto and held on tightly. I desperately wanted to be like everyone else, but there was always a blockage. Everything I did always resulted in me being uncomfortable because I was never able to be myself. My insecurities ate away at me like, and I became a recluse. Later on I discover the verse, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7, KJV. Nothing about me was sound! I was a total wreck!!!! 

God begin to deal with me concerning fear. He revealed to me that He was never involved in any of the anxiety and panic attacks that I had gone through. It was the enemy of my soul, Satan. The main goal of Satan was to stop me from reaching others for the Kingdom of God. I knew God had a calling on my life, but my insecurities prevented me from pursuing ministry. For years, I would shrink back when asked to speak or teach on a subject that I felt I was an expert in. I knew the answers, but was afraid that others would not accept me. All my talents were going to waste. I knew there was something I had to do.  As a result of this revelation, I came up with three simple ways to overcome fear. 

1. Pray. When faced with fear, immediately start praying. Pray for peace and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will start to soothe you and calm your anxious heart. Whenever I would get upset or full of fear, my heart would beat so fast that I thought I was having a heart attack. I would break out into a cold sweat and immediately seek cover. The Lord did not give any of us a spirit of fear. So immediately, start praying. Ask the Lord to give you serenity. 

2. Analyze.  Ask the Lord to show you the situation from His perspective. What exactly is going on? Are you in any immediate danger? Is there any help readily available to you? Calm down and take a deep breath. Monitor your surrounding. Pace yourself and realize that the Lord is right there by your side. He said that He would never leave nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5); therefore, you need to trust that He is there. Analyze the situation. Are you overreacting? Did you drink too much coffee or have too many sweets? Did you get enough rest last night? Many times, our habits can cause us to become jittery. 

3. Retreat Remove yourself from the situation if it seems to overwhelming for you. I know that I have had to remove myself from social gatherings in several occasions because I could not deal with the fear of not being accepted by others. At the time, I had not been taught how to deal with fear. I was simply going through the motions. If you do not feel the need to remove yourself, give yourself a quick motivational pep talk. Tell yourself that you are an amazing person. There's nothing wrong with boosting your own self-esteem. Now when I am faced with fear of being around others, I tell myself, "Hey, how can they not like me? I have the favor of God all over me!" 

Practice speaking positively to yourself daily. Write Scripture, affirmations, pep talks and more on sticky notes and place them around the house, in your purse, locker and/desk. When faced with fear, pull out a note and say it to yourself over and over again. Repetition is key to getting these thoughts and Scripture in your head. Once you realize how special you are to the Father, you will be less fearful and more wonderful than ever. 

*Anxiety can be caused by a medical issue, also. Please check with licensed professional. 

 

The Comparison

"Comparison is a thief of joy," said Theodore Roosevelt. This is so true. I would pour over the success of others for hours...comparing myself to anyone that seemed to have it all together. I would stare at their shiny photos and unrealistic happiness into the wee hours of the night. "Why can't I be prettier?" "Why am I not as smart as she is?" "Why don't I have as many fans as her?" "Am I doing this right, because she looks way more successful than me!" Those were just a few of the comparisons that I made over and over again. I had to stop and ask myself...1.) Why are you looking at what someone else is doing? 2.) How do you know if that person is actually successful? 3.) If God called you...like you claim He did...why are you worried about what someone else is doing? Utter reality check!

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You see, I was not content where I was. I was so busy searching for a spot in the WORLD that I was missing out on the KINGDOM destination that the Lord had already prepared for me. I was called by the Lord....but He never promised me that I would be popular, rich or noticed by the fancy people that I was staring at. He called me to help win souls to Christ...not make a million dollars and drive around in a fancy car. If He blessed me with those material possessions, it would only be an added bonus to the Heavenly blessings that He had already prepared. I knew then that I had to cut out the comparison game. It was destroying my spirit!

Maybe you are fighting with discontentment or comparison. You are inviting a spirit of rejection into your life that seeks to control you. You will never be good enough...and this spirit will remind you of it daily. Go before the Lord right now and cast out the spirit of rejection before it destroys your life. You can be free. You can have joy. Make the decision right now that you will not accept discontentment and comparison anymore. 
©Lukizzy Moton