Finally, I had some personal "me" time. The kids were all tucked away, and I was ready to relax. I grabbed my coffee and headed to my bedroom. As soon as I plopped down on my bed, I picked up my phone. Out of habit, I logged into my Facebook account. My newsfeed was filled with the same old memes and stories. Nothing really excited me. So, I took a stroll over to Instagram, and it was there that my heart was broken.
The very first post I encountered was that of a beautiful young woman. Every strand of hair was in place, her body was flawless, and she seemed to have it all together. Most importantly, she was a woman of God. Her ministry was prospering and everything just seemed awesome. It was almost as if she was surrounded by a halo of light! My gosh...she was perfect! Her life was beyond compare!
After staring at several of her pictures, I observed the number of followers she had and all of the positive comments on each of her posts. By now, as you may have guessed it, I was full of envy! I mean, here I was...a woman of God, also...seeking to win others to Christ but barely keeping my page afloat. It seemed as though I was not making a real impact for the Kingdom, my life was far from perfect, and my hair was big and frizzy.
Immediately, I questioned God. I shouted to Him, "Why aren't You helping me, Lord? I am doing this for YOU!" I went into a pity party about how I did not have the support I needed, as well as how my life seemed to be falling apart rather than coming together. My life seemed to be a disaster compared to the girl on Instagram. Honestly, I ranted until I felt like I had given the Lord a piece of my mind. Boy, did I think I was telling Him something He needed to hear!
Then a voice asked me, "Exactly who are you doing this for? Me or you?" Talk about EGGS IN MY FACE! I was so embarrassed and had to repent. This pity party revealed to me that I had envy in my heart, and envy is a sin.
"But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. for where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:14-16, NIV
That night, the Lord taught me that we all have a place to serve in the body of Christ. Everyone has a specific task to complete. Therefore, It is not all about who has the most followers, the prettiest website, the perfect body, etc. It is all about our willingness to serve the Lord and win souls for the Kingdom.
The Lord also used this situation to reveal that I was harboring comparison and envy in my heart. We are all created in His image, and He shows no favoritism. It is up to us to use the the talents that He gives us.
Although someone may seem to have it all together, no one is perfectly perfect. We all have secret flaws, yet only our strengths are made public. So we should stop thinking people have it all together just because they post lovely photos on social media.
After going before the Lord, He reveal to me that I often felt rejected by others and that I was trying to outperform others for acceptance. None of this works in His Kingdom because there is no selfish ambition. If you have found that you have been envious of others and their success, repent right now. Ask the Lord to make known what is truly hidden inside your heart and why you feel inferior. There is a root cause that only He can disclose.