Growing up as a child, my life was not ideal. My siblings and I grew up in a single parent home, and money was scarce. Therefore, we were made fun of because we did not have much. My mother did the best that she could; she provide for our needs, and went out of her way at times to give us the things we wanted. However, there was a void in my heart that no one could fill.
I was not the best looking or best dressed kid in my class. Friends did not flock to me during my early years, so I had a tendency to play alone or only with my cousins. During my 7th and 8th grade years in junior high (you call it middle school now), I was bullied, and peer pressure was intense. So, by the end of 8th grade, I was failing school and ready to drop out. Every other day, I would call my mom at her job, and beg her to allow me to leave school early. I would pretend I was sick. Sadly, I ended up failing 8th grade that year. Embarrassed, I had to repeat all of my classes at another school the next school term. I was 13, and that’s when the spirit of depression established a root in me that would flourish all the way into my adulthood...destroying me, my relationships and job opportunities along the way.
My low self-esteem and depression led me down a path of bitterness. I did not love myself, and it was evident in everything that I thought, said and did. Little did I know, people could pick up on the depression and my negative perception of myself. I would attract the worst people into my life who only wanted to use me. I always felt that I had to “buy” my friends or give more than the next person in order to keep people around. As soon as the money or whatever I was offering ran out, so did the people…leaving me empty-handed and defeated.
After my mother passed in 2011, I went into a deep depression. The depression was so deep that I thought dying was my only way out. I was dealing with so much. As a result, I had to retire from teaching, and was practically forced to have a tubal ligation or risk dying if I tried to have another child. I did not want to have this procedure done, but it was necessary. To make matters worse, my marriage was failing. By the end of 2016, the enemy had almost completely annihilated me. The entire left side of my body was going numb, and my doctors started diagnosing me with all kinds of autoimmune disorders my own body had started attacking itself. The spirit of depression had become a super power to be reckoned with, and it was destroying me from the inside out. I can honestly say that the enemy was hell-bent on destroying me.
So...how was I able to turn my life around? How was I able to overcome and break free of depression? I love organization and lists...so here are the steps I took to break free of depression’s grip.
I dropped everything and prayed. I gave everything over to the Lord. For so long, I lied to myself about being in control of my own life. I was not in control, the depression was. I had to surrender my life to God...for real. No more playing around!
I searched for scripture on depression and joy. The entire point of having Scripture references is so you can know what God thinks about the issue. You want to arm yourself with scripture so that you can replace depression with joy. A few of my favorites include Nehemiah 8:10b, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” When you have Scripture, you can use it to war against the enemy.
I repented for allowing depression to take root in my life. Pray: “Lord, I repent for allowing depression to take root in my life. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and focusing on me. You said in Your Word that if I came to you, you would give me rest. Father, I am tired. Give me your joy, and be my strength. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
I had to cast out the spirit of depression. Depression is a demon, and it most go. Pray: “In the name of Jesus, I command the spirit of depression to come out of me right now. I am not your home, and you must leave immediately. I reject and renounce any covenants made with the spirit of depression right now, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.
I asked the Lord to fill me with His Holy Spirit. Pray: “Father God, I thank You and praise Your holy name. In the name of Jesus Christ, I have been set free from the spirit of depression. Lord, cover me in the blood of Your precious Son, and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Father, You are my joy. Amen.”
I started a journal. I started writing a journal and keeping my thoughts on paper. You can also do this online via a blog or through social media. It does not matter...just as long as you get those thoughts out! Writing gave me a creative outlet to release my thoughts and frustrations, when needed. I eventually went on to write two books, Dear Daughter and Encouraged, based off of the content from my journals and blogs.
I went where people were. Even if you do not like to interact with other, being around people is healthy for you. I know with the pandemic, we can’t really fellowship as we would like, so try Zoom, and other interactive forums.
I started going to bed on time. I was sleep deprived. Once I started getting more sleep, I found myself to be more energized and less apt to become depressed. You would be amazed at how the lack of sleep depletes your body and can cause depression.
I changed my diet. What you put in your body will have an impact on your overall health. Too much sugar, fatty foods, carbonated drinks can be detrimental to your health. I lived off of sugar highs, and when I would come crashing down, I would have mood swings.
I scheduled a visit with my primary doctor. There may, in fact be underlying issues that only a medical doctor can help you with. God has given us doctors to do that just. He or she will then determine if you need to be referred for other testing and therapies. I am not authorized to give such advice. My doctors were able to find several chronic illnesses/autoimmune disorders, including rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and migraines with aura.
It wasn’t until I decided to to give everything over to the Lord that I was able to have victory over the depression that was consuming my life. Yes, I still have times when I fall down, but I get back up quicker than ever before. I refuse to allow the enemy to take control of my life. I can hear the Holy Spirit when he instructs me now. Before, I was really confused. I now use my mess as a message to give Jesus Christ the glory, and to help other women from all around the world heal.
Remember a diamond is nothing but a rock...until it is put under intense heat and pressure. Honey, I had more pressure and heat than the normal person could bear, but guess what...I am still here. I am still standing. Victorious and willing to help other women find wholeness and restoration in the Jesus Christ. You can turn depression into joy!