Are you listening to God? There was a time when I felt the Lord was far away from me. I honestly could not hear His voice. Day by day, it seemed as though He was getting further and further away from me. I would see other believers prospering and living victoriously, and this only made me envious. Seriously, I became jealous of all God was doing for others. He was actually using them to spread the Gospel and set captives free. Unfortunately, He was not using me (or so I thought).
Feeling unwanted broke my heart into a million pieces. I began to withdraw. I became a recluse, and backslid into depression. I had previously been delivered from the spirit of depression, but now it was back—full force! Satan was deceiving me and planning to ultimately destroy me this time. My passion, my zealous, my purpose, my love for all things holy was gone. The enemy was literally robbing me right before my eyes (John 10:10). Cluelessly, I wondered if God’s anointing had left me, and if I was on my way to hell? It certainly felt like it.
Finally, I found the courage to cry out to the Lord. In a fit of rage, I questioned His love for me. I asked Him why He was ignoring me and why things were not going as I had planned. IMMEDIATELY, He replied back with, “I’m not ignoring you. I’ve always been here. YOU were the one who strayed far from me. You chased the blessings instead of ME. YOU focused on what everyone else had or was doing instead of your own assignment. I’m still here.”
Oh...my...goodness! Can we please NOT discuss how foolish I looked! All this time...He was right there. It was ME! I caused the rift in the relationship. I was the toxic problem! I repented quickly and started back over. I did beat myself up mentally for a while because I wasted so much valuable time. However, the Holy Spirit reminded me that in Christ, there’s no condemnation (Romans 8:1), and that He could restore what I lost (Joel 2:25-26). The Lord forgave me and gave me a clean heart (Psalm 51:10). He knew I would do all of this before He created me, yet, He still sent His only Son to die for me (Jeremiah 1:5, John 3:16).
Maybe you are struggling with a similar issue. Or maybe you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. All you have to do is lay it all at His feet. He’s waiting for you right now! Come back to Him. He loves you. Do not waste another moment. Repent of your sins, and ask Jesus to come into your heart right now. He loves you so much. Only He can restore what you have lost and make everything brand new. Only trust Him.